Empty Nest: The First Real Goodbye
May 30, 2008 | 3 Comments
Today, my baby girl graduates from high school. I’m shocked. It’s cliché to say ‘where did the time go? But honest, where DID the time go?
It feels to me like she was just a baby, perched on the dishwasher door proudly grinning at her own feat of daring, last month. Now, she’s striking out on her own traveling across the country to California for Occidental. Is she ready? I think so, even though she still can’t run the dishwasher. Read more
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:Putting ME back into Mother!
WOWOWOW.com, where are the WOC?
May 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Looking for another great place to connect to smart women besides TMT? Well, my friends I recently discovered wowOwow.com, where women talk frankly with each other and you.
The site boasts a veritable who’s who of notable women from a variety of areas of interest, including Peggy Noonan, Lesley Stahl, Lily Tomlin, Joan Ganz Cooney (she created Sesame Street), Julia Reed (Newsweek), Marlo Thomas and others. I’m looking forward to spending time on what seems like a well-designed, content-rich site. There are some cool political discussions you may not read elsewhere like why some women won’t vote for a woman president.
My only problem: Whoopi Goldberg is the only woman-of-color (WOC) featured. This lack of color resonates for me because the Sex in the City: The Movie opened on May 30th.
Lord, I loved that show. It was ‘must see TV’ and I planned my schedule around it. Sex debuted at a time in my life when I could relate to being single and older than 20, but I was always bothered by the fact that there wasn’t a WOC in the cast. How could they include New York as the fifth character and not have a Sistah or Latina to add our special flavor to the mix?
Darren Star, the producer, said in a recent interview he included a WOC character in the movie because women across the country demanded it. But, did he make the sister an equal? Oh, no, Jenifer Hudson’s character, Louise, is Carrie’s assistant. That speaks volumes to me about what Hollywood thinks about my life. Guess that’s why I rarely go to the movies anymore. Seems like TV might be the only place you can see positive portrayals of different ethnicities - see Grey’s Anatomy and the George Lopez Show
Enough rant. Who would you suggest Wowowow.com add to their roster?
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:No related posts
Check Out Carnival #71 at So Baby Boomer
May 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Another Carnival has rolled into town and it’s over at John’s place. Why don’t you go over and enjoy the ride.
By the way, it’ll be a while longer before I make my debut as a videographer with the New Orleans videos. I love my Flip Video, but it’s a bit harder to edit with than expected.
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:Skip on over to Contemporary Retirement for Carnival # 69
Blogging Boomer Carnival #68 at Boomer Chronicles
Drop by Gen Plus for Blogging Boomers Carnival #70
Putting Marriage into Words- Your Personal Greeting Card
May 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Marriage is a funny thing. Sometimes you love your partner. Other times not so much. And saying what’s important can be tough.
I’m having one of those days. You know how people say that you gotta give marriage 110%? Well, lately it feels like I’m doing the 100% while my swubby is pulling down just 10% Of course, this will change but I’d like a funny way to say that.
So, I’m asking you guys. What would you say to your spouse/partner in a greeting card? I can imagine a few different ones like a picture
a baseball diamond with the universal sign for NO-
Inside reads This is a sports-free zone. Let’s make our our grand slam!
a picture of Hilary Clinton-
Inside reads: Yes, it takes a village to raise a child, but for now, it’s just you and me. I need help with:
I think greeting cards are a humorous, non-threatening way to break the ice on some hard conversations. So much so, I’m developing a line of marriage cards. Let me know what you think.
Many thanks to SK Joun of ParentsforParents magazine who shared this gem:
A picture of dirty dishes in the sink and it would say, “You had me at I will do the dishes tonight, honey.”
What greeting card would you send?
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:Relationship Memoir in 6 Words
Romantic Memoirs-the Finalists!
Putting ME back into Mother!
Ever have Dark Fantasies about Love and Marriage?
May 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Ok, I admit to having fantasies. And, if you’re honest you’ll admit you have them, too.
Now, I’m not talking about sexual fantasies, although those can be fun and bring a whole lot of spice back into a relationship. I highly recommend reading a book by Anne Rice (under a pen name) called The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. Whew, just thinking about it…is it hot in here? But, I’m talking about a different kind of fantasy entirely. Read more
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:Compromising: Cop Out or Marital Bliss
Bitter, Sad or Nonexistent: Why Does Hollywood Hate Boomer Couples?
What About Marriage Frightens You?
Drop by Gen Plus for Blogging Boomers Carnival #70
May 19, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Janet is always on the look out for news on how to reinvent 50 and beyond. This week the rest of the Carnival weighs in, too. Take a peek!
Blogging Boomer Carnival #68 at Boomer Chronicles
Cartwheel over to LifeTwo for Carnival #75
Sail on over to Midlife Crisis Queen for Carnival #74
I’ve Got Sex all Covered- Here’s Proof!
May 17, 2008 | 5 Comments
What a proud day this is. ThisMarriageThing was selected to be included in the Alltop, a collection of all the top blog stories compiled by none other than Guy Kawasaki.
Don’t know him. Ok, you know Apple Computers, right. Well, Guy was the guy who coined the term brand evangelist that changed the way companies marketed forever. Besides being the author of several terrific books, including the Art of the Start, he’s a regular columnist for Entrepreneur magazine, where my Ombuds work was featured a few years ago. All very ’six degrees’.
My only concern is how to I explain to my kids (and Mom) why I’m featured on the sex page. Yikes! Never mind, I’m thrilled to get such a great Mother’s Day gift.
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:No related posts
Compromising: Cop Out or Marital Bliss
May 16, 2008 | 4 Comments
Curious sort that I am, I can’t resist asking provocative questions when I meet new people. It’s a great way to break the ice and sometimes I get more to think about than I bargained for. I was attending a Ladies Who Launch event when I met a trio of new moms where were considering starting a new business. They weren’t quite Yoomers yet but I was wanted to know their take on marriage. So I asked: what does it take to have a happy marriage?
The Greek Chorus
Well, the answer came simultaneously from all three: Compromise!
That’s an answer I’m well familiar with. Compromise is one of the five conflict styles that we can employ to resolve conflict. The five styles are: Avoid, Compete, Compromise, Accommodate and Collaborate.
Folks who know and use all five styles interchangeably tend to be the most successful in resolving disputes in a productive, satisfying way at work or at home. That’s because each situation calls for an evaluation of the circumstances, the other person and what will work best. So, if you’re out late at night and a robber says give me your wallet, that is NOT the time to compromise- how about I give you the cash and keep the credit cards?
The Good Side of Compromise
I can see why so many advice columns, therapists and long-married folks tout compromise as a god-send in marriage. It is. Compromising allows you as a couple ti:
- negotiate to get your needs met
- reduce disputes
- make deposits in your ‘good will’ bank
- identify common interests and explore new ones
- move forward instead of being stuck in an argument
- feel like a team
Generally speaking, compromise in relationships is a good thing, to paraphrase Martha Stewart. People who compromise report being better liked and happier. But is that the entire truth?
The Dark Side of Compromise
Like with most things, there’s a flip side. Have you ever thought about the cons of compromise? Most people haven’t. I’m willing to bet that many long-married folks have a thought or ten about the dark side, though. Maybe you’ll comment and enlighten us all. (see the Leave a Comment link next to the date above).
Compromises means getting some, but not all of what you want or need. Always being ready to compromise may mean that you:
- repeatedly put the needs/interest of your spouse over yours
- experience resentment or hurt
- aren’t known
- don’t get your interests/needs met at all or until far in the future
- feel like a doormat
If you see yourself in this list you may want to think about whether you use compromise as a cop-out, a way to avoid having a deeper conversation with your mate.
It’s a Choice
Recognizing that I have a choice on how to handle things with my swubby has done wonders for my self-esteem and our marriage. Compromise is not my default position now as it was in my first marriage (although he often says he’d like a bit more). I’m much more likely to accommodate my DH with a clear understanding that I expect the same or simply compete. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him or want to bully him. It only means I’m a lot clearer about who I am and how I want to live my life.
Let me know what you think…
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:Is Marriage An Incurable Virus?
How Do You Stop Being Mom?
May 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment
My big day has passed. It seems strange that moms who dole out love and attention 365 days a year just get a single day to be recognized. But that’s another post… Right now, I’m wondering if you ever stop being a mom. My kiddos are nearing young adulthood. Miss Thang leaves for Occidental in August and Handsome isn’t too far behind.
I Hate You But Could You Pick up some Coke?
We’ll all in this very odd space. They don’t really need me anymore. Most of what they ask me for is simply out of habit–can you pick up some cola, drop off my clothes, get some band-aids– they are capable of doing any of this for themselves. And, yet they still ask. (No, my kids never said that but it made a catchy title)
At the same time, they want me to let go. Stop telling me–how to live, what to wear, who to be friend with– they feel their independence and express it, sometimes with little regard to my feelings. I’ve been preparing for this moment for years. And yet, I’m still not ready.
How Did You Do It?
How can I go from Supreme Commander of our household to a rank private and like it? How do I go from CEO calling the shots to a consultant making proposals. That’s what I feel like now. I propose ideas, solutions, advice that they disregard at will, sometimes at their peril.
Somebody out there has answers. Speak up, will ya?
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:Do You See Yourself Retiring?
What About Marriage Frightens You?
What’s Your Biggest Question about Finding Help to Care for an Elderly Relative or Parent?
Skip on over to Contemporary Retirement for Carnival # 69
May 12, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Ann Harrison is hosting our little soirée this week. Given the holiday and all, I bet there’s gonna be some interesting chat. Check it out
Cartwheel over to LifeTwo for Carnival #75
Sashay over to Fab After 40 for Carnival #76
Blogging Boomer Carnival #68 at Boomer Chronicles