Can a Post Nuptial Save a Marriage?

July 11, 2008

female-hands-typing.jpg I met up with my friend, Vyctoria, at a Ladies Who Launch networking event last night. While catching up I casually asked her to name today’s topic. Vyctoria is an uber-organized blond who runs a luxury personal concierge business- you know, lifestyle management. She’ll take care of any thing so long as it’s legal.

She has a really sharp mind. Leave it to her to be so clever as to ask why do married folks always want single folks to get married. I admit I was stumped on that one (so it might actually turn up as a post before too long). Anyway, she suggested a post on doing a credit check on your spouse. Then, things got interesting.

What about Post Nuptial Agreements

She threw out post nuptial agreements as a topic. Turns out that post nuptials, contracts couples devise after marriage, are all the rage now. Hmmm, who knew? I read an article that said these types of agreements are frequently used to iron out differences and change behaviors in spouses. So, if your spouse is a spendthrift you might get a post nup to prohibit spending more than $500 without mutual agreement. Or, maybe if your spouse cheats one more time you get the house on the Cape. If you’re curious, just google ‘California post nuptial agreement’ for a sample.

Could it Save a Marriage?

The article, which I now wish I had bookmarked, suggested that couple benefited from making the agreement. That’s probably true. The process of examining the values, beliefs, fears, assumptions, desires, etc is definitely a good thing. More couples would be happier if they regularly talked specifically about their needs and wants. But, of course, they don’t because they’re more frightened about what they might learn.

But, somehow, I just don’t think one document can save a marriage. Just like a divorce decree doesn’t end a marriage- it only changes the legal status- a post nup won’t motivate someone to act differently in a meaningful, helpful way unless there’s better communication and negotiation. I have no proof to offer, but I’d rather a belief that mediation or counseling might be more helpful.

Pre Nuptials

Then again, I’m a big fan of prenuptial agreements. Couples who put time into discussing an unfortunate but possible outcome early can spend more energy on fixing concerns than fighting over IRAs. But that’s just my two cents.

So, the question to you is:

Would you ask your spouse for a post nuptial agreement, and what would that mean if you did?

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Comments

2 Responses to “Can a Post Nuptial Save a Marriage?”

  1. chris on July 15th, 2008 12:52 pm

    Discovering the solutions to how to save my marriage my very well include seeking help from a marriage counselor. They are sometimes the most effective way to re-build and save your marriage. Marriage counselors help many married couples to work through their problems and differences, many times with positive results.

  2. Nisha on August 13th, 2008 12:56 pm

    Funny thing is I recently sat down with my husband of 3.5years and told him the only way I would consider continuing our marriage is if he signed a post nuptial agreement. He thought I made the word up and actually I thought I did until I googled it and saw it was indeed a real contract. Our marriage is going throught the normal double standard issues and I have had enough. I was 1second away from asking for a divorce and had actually asked for one when I thought about making a contract. We go and get it notarized today to make it semi legal and I will have to come back in time to let you know how it works out.

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