Can Smut Save a Stalled Sex Life?
July 18, 2008
I like to think I’m as ’smut-minded’ as the next person, able to dream up a juicy fantasy to act out at will. My swubby is a handsome guy with the sweetest lips. So, generally, all he needs to do is give me ‘the look’ and it’s on!
But you know how it is when you’ve been in a committed relationship. Familiarity is not the stuff ‘hotness’ is made from. After a while, your imagination fades, or at least, mine does. Short and sweet, we got bored with each other. (Warning- what comes next is adult content)
Reviving the Spark
Neither of us liked that situation, needless to say, so we decided to brainstorm solutions to light our fire again. We tried several ideas like:
- Fooling around in other rooms (Not nearly as comfy as the bed and too much worrying about what the neighbors saw)
- Different positions (We’re not flexible enough anymore for the really interesting ones)
- Talking dirty (One of us ends up laughing which ruins the effect)
- Sexy undies (This works but it gets expensive)
- Sex Toys (Again, they work but leave something to be desired)
Having run through the conventional fixes, I was game to try something a bit wilder: porn. Yes, it was a bold move, but lackluster nukkie calls for drastic measures.
Besides, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit you are intriqued about it-maybe even like the idea of all the uncensored freedom and passion. After some initial resistance (he’s a cute prude), my hubby agreed to try out a video or two.
My Trip to the Porn Store
You know I’m the curious sort, right? Most folks get their smut online or via mail order. Not this girl. I went shopping. So, going to Amazing, the local purveyor of smut, was a real adventure.
First, imagine a small storefront with the windows covered to block out light and sight. It has aisles like a Hallmark store, rows and rows of choices- some irresistible, some downright scary. Men milling around in a slightly confused way like they are suffering from sensory overload. (yes, Virginia, you can see too many boobs) And, yes, I was the only woman there. It was oddly empowering. I felt like Margaret Mead discovering a new primitive civilization.
Second, I noticed there are rules to interacting at the smut shop. As an Ombuds, I’m a study human nature and group dynamics so I found this fascinating. Certainly, I wasn’t there long enough to be an expert, but the unwritten rules were pretty clear.
- No eye contact with other patrons
- No looking at anyone’s selection
- No talking (it’s eerily quiet like a library)
- No asking for suggestions from other patrons or the staff
This last one threw me for a loop. When I shop I generally ask whoever’s closest for their opinion. “How’s this color for me?” “Do you like this pattern?” It just didn’t seem right to ask “which film has a great plot and is still sizzling hot?” I’m guessing my criteria for a good film is, oh, slightly different than the clerk’s opinion. Anyway, I wandered around for a while, reading video jackets asking my head muttering ‘who knew?” Nothing grabbed me. I left empty-handed.
Finding High Quality Smut
That was such an experience that I decided to do some research before my next buying trip. You know, find the feminine side of porn. That lead me to a store called Good Vibrations (formerly Grand Openings), which features a more friendly atmosphere.
Light-filled and cheery, it was a 180 degree turnaround from Amazing. There were signs describing the products and their various uses. The video section wasn’t huge but it came with a book that reviewed each film for ‘action’ and couple-appropriateness.
I almost jumped a foot when the clerk asked if I needed help. She was very nice and incredibly well informed. Honestly, the customer service was so good I thought I was at the Nordstrom’s of sex shops- attentive but not intrusive. Strike two- I didn’t find anything but the clerk suggested that I try Comstock Films if I wanted something more real.
Real People, Real Life, Real Sex
Anyone who as seen a skin flick has laughed at ‘porn music’ at one time or another. You know, “boaw, chicka boaw, boaw”. Or, the moan track. Yikes, I need a shower just writing about it. That vibe, with all its stereotypes, is unappealing to me. The average adult film is so bad. I ‘ve actually fallen asleep from boredom. I wanted something with a plot that I could actually watch that also was hot. Enter Comstock Films.
Here’s what they say about themselves:
Comstock Films offers award-winning erotic documentary films about real couples, having real sex. Our mission is to acknowledge the role of sex in human relationships, depict it graphically, and celebrate the power and joy of sexual pleasure and emotional intimacy.
They actually achieve their mission. They do celebrate and honor love. And, they are ‘Oprah-approved’. Comstock has been featured in national magazines like O, Women’s Health and Mens Fitness, all cite the film maker’s extraordinary commitment to making ‘real’ adult films. You can see that the couples are loving, have a connection and sex means more than a paycheck.
Comstock selection is limited (3 heterosexual and 2 same-sex) because it takes about a year to make each film. I ordered two of their films. We’ve enjoyed them both and will eventually get the third.
Yes, Smut Can!
Yes. Yes, smut can fan an ember into a flame. Just doing the research was pretty darned exciting. So, I highly recommend it. What helped you turn up the flames with your mate?
* Of course, someone will be offended by something in the post. That’s inevitable. Sorry, but I call ‘em as I see ‘em. d
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:Discover the Hidden Secrets of Marriage
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Comments
7 Responses to “Can Smut Save a Stalled Sex Life?”
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Thanks for the shout out! Peggy and I are so glad you enjoyed our films!
[…] summer and everything is hot except your love life. Dina explores what can spark romance, over at This Marriage […]
[…] ThisMarriageThing.com says yes! […]
Tony, it’s us that should be thanking YOU! Keep up the good work. d
It sounds to us like you’ve taken the first and most important step: actively deciding to revive your sex life.
Simply discussing and defining our needs was the most difficult part for us; after that it was all cake!
cheers,
Matt and Khym
Cake, or whipped cream or chocolate paint…;) I appreciate the kind words. Thanks.
[…] I talked about Comstock films for adults, I shared some of our personal experiments to spice up our sex life. And, from time to time you’ll hear me express frustration with my swubby like in my post […]