Happy Loving Day!
June 12, 2008
Today is a celebration for all families, especially those that are interracial. Loving Day celebrates the legalization of interracial couples. Just a scant 41 years ago, marrying someone outside of your race was a criminal offense. Let that sink in a minute. How ridiculous and sad.
Many states had a law prohibiting interracial marriage. You can see from this map which state banned the practice and when the ban was repealed. God bless, New Jersey. It never had a law against love. I swear I’ll never call it the armpit of America again.
My Family History
Of course, this holiday is incredibly personal for me. I was born in 1961, the offspring of an interracial relationship. I sometimes think of myself as a free love baby because my white mother and African father met in college at a time when love truly was the answer. They didn’t marry (although New York didn’t have restrictions either) possibly because age and culture were a barrier. I don’t know. But imagine what might have happened if they lived in Texas or Louisana where it took until 1967 for the idea that love is colorblind to sink in.
Marrying Across Lines
I married inter-racially. And, while there wasn’t a law per se against it, plenty of people- family members included- let us know that there would be trouble ahead. There was trouble. It takes real courage and commitment, along with a heaping dose of love and kindness, to be in an interracial marriage. The simplest things become about difference and can drive a wedge between you if you’re not thoughtful.
Take grocery shopping for example. If my hubby goes first and puts the items on the cart then I add a few, invariably I get a nasty look from the cashier who asks him, “Those aren’t yours, right?” I wish I had five bucks for every time a ticket taker asked are you two together? Ah, yeah, we are. I would be wrong to leave out all the people of color- men and women- who have challenged us with looks and sometimes with words. It plain annoys me that the world feels entitled to comment on my relationship.
The Next Generation
My kiddos, Handsome and Miss Thang, are second generation biracial and beautiful. Someone once described them as coffee with just the right amount of cream. Yesterday at lunch, Miss Thang told me she’s pretty sure she’ll marry a Latino or Philipino man. What amazed me was how naturally she said it. Very matter-of-factly. Guess that means attitudes have changed. There may be a time when, by law and by practice, love is just about love not color or gender.
I can only hope for that day and be eternally grateful for the courage of the Lovings.
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