Putting ME back into Mother!
May 9, 2008
I’m a cook, housekeeper, nurse, guidance counselor, chauffeur, bank, advice columnist, fashion consultant, delivery service, calendar and reminder system, personal shopper, masseuse, laundress, tutor, and cheerleader. I do more by 9 a.m. than most people do all day. I’m a Mom.
The Never-ending List
Every mom I know has a list. It’s a never-ending list of things that either need to be done now, shortly or should’ve been done already. It’s all-consuming because no matter how many things get crossed off- and I do a good job of making a big dent each day- it never, ever gets completely done. Am I wrong, Moms?
Caregiving, my friends, is the primary work of Mom’s world-wide. In fact, I’m thinking the word should become care-taking since families take time, energy, love, attention, devotion, even at the moments we don’t actually have any to give. Ever try to tell a four year old that Mommy was up all night with little brother so she can’t play hide-and-seek until after she’s had her nap? It doesn’t work? But us, Moms, manage because we are a very capable bunch. We take care of everyone, except ourselves.
Was that in the Manual?
Along with recipes and household tips, our mothers passed down the Manual for family-rearing. I say families instead of just kids because, well, isn’t your hubby a big kid sometimes, too? What I learned as the cardinal rule from my mom, Mary, is that Moms sacrifice.
Whatever needs to get done, whatever has to be brought on the long,long list , you do it with a smile. I thought of my mom as a superwoman for a long time. She was the strongest woman I knew figuratively and literally (I watched her do tons of laundry in our bathtub and hang it by hand because we didn’t get have a washer/dryer until I was a teen.) She made it all look stunningly easy, like there was never a moment of indecision or resentment. Of course, once I had my rugrats, Handsome and Miss Thang, I discovered like Dorothy that there was no wizard, just a tired, loving woman who put on a awesome show.
Putting the ME back in Mother
I was a dutiful daughter who turned into a manual-toting mom. Oy, the stories I could tell. I don’t think my kids will truly get how much of my life has been devoted to them until they have kids of their own. Don’t get me wrong- I love them to pieces and beyond. I simply recognize that it’s been a long, crazy trip to quote the Grateful Dead.
Round about the time I hit forty the trip came to an abrupt halt. I woke up one day thinking: what about ME?!
Now, I’m all about reinventing myself as an interesting, stylish person who also happens to be a mom. (This doesn’t mean moms aren’t that already- I just wasn’t one of them). Part of the process is re-discovering what makes me happy. And, the quick answer to that is girlfriends!
My Circle of Friends
I have the best girlfriends in the world. I adore them. Yesterday I had the pleasure of chatting with my college roomie, Kat, catching up on the goings-on in her family. She’s a real touchstone for me, and I hope I’m the same for her. She knows me. I can’t stress the comfort and value that has for me. Talking with her brings me back immediately to a time when I was my most fearless self. I can’t fool her even when I’m doing a good job of fooling myself. I love her tremendously and look forward to having her by my side for years to come. And, I mean that literally.
Girlfriend Getaways Magazine
When our firstborns were babies we took a joint family vacation that still ranks among the best. We took a cottage on the beach in Sandwich, Ma. Our days were spent building sandcastles with Miss Thang and her Joshie then putting warm, sandy babies to bed before joining our husbands for lazy dinners filled with many cocktails. Such fond memories.
Now, that our kids are almost out the nest, I’m trying to convince her and her hubby, Dr. Nice to go away again. Both our hubbies are very busy so that might take a while and some arm twisting. Meanwhile, I’m planning to hijack Kat for a girls weekend in NYC. There’s even a new magazine and TV program to help us plan- Girlfriend Getaways.
What a great mag! Filled with terrific ideas for getting away like spa weekends and beach vacation. There are also useful practical tips ( like wait to the last day to get that facial). Honestly, it put my imagination on overdrive. I’m thinking we can do a cooking class together. Best of all, they stress that it the time spent with friends is more important than where you go or what you do. If you haven’t hooked up with your gal pals in a while it’s probably time to put the ME back into mother.
(Pssst- Hubbys, steal this idea if you’re stuck for a gift. Spoil Me Spa, based in Simsbury,Connecticut, touts itself as a ‘mobile spa- your place, your pace’. I recently met the owner, Ellen, who takes her pampering seriously. Maybe you can arrange one for your honey? You can thank me later)
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:
Empty Nest: The First Real Goodbye
What Does Your Mother-in-Law Think of You?
What About Marriage Frightens You?
Comments
Got something to say?