Romantic Memoirs-the Finalists!
July 2, 2008
A great big thank you to everyone who took a moment to send in a memoir. I loved reading them all, and I hope you did too. Who expected such a range of responses? (Ok, I did but it’s still amazing to see). You probably noticed like I did that the entries kinda fell into a couple of categories. Because they were so good, I thought I’d highlight one or two from each camp before getting around to the finalist list. Drum roll, please….
Memoirs are Reflections
In an earlier post I asked folks to meet my challenge of summing up years of relationship in just six words. What’s so delicious about this is that you can go in almost any direction. Some folks literally offered six words. Like these:
- Infatuation. Legalization. Expectation. Frustration. Communication. Admiration
- Exploring Learning Fighting Growing Changing Loving
- Loving, comfortable, friendly, secure, practically sexless*
- funny, supportive, safe, sometimes restrictive, strong *
(* These last two are from my tbd group that had the same challenge. That group will also have a winner based on its submissions.)
Even with just six separate words it’s possible to begin to get a picture of these relationships. The way they grew and changed. It’s almost like a glimpse into the writer’s psyche or values.
I’m reminded how powerful words are, especially the ones we tell ourselves. I’m certain that thinking positive thoughts about your spouse really does put him or her in a better light. When I’m feeling out of sorts with my sweetie I spend a lot of time remembering why I married him and what I have to be grateful for. That typically does the trick.
Lessons Learned
Knowing a few good lessons doesn’t hurt either. You know, the ‘don’t go to bed mad’ sort, which is so much easier to say than do. Some entries could go straight into a guide for good marriage. Really, tack one or two of these up on your frig:
- Love equals growth, grace and gratitude
- Remember, we’re on the same team
- Both give 70%, expect 30%
- Laughter and daily cuddling fosters love
Peeking inside the keyhole
One of the most paradoxical things about marriage is that each one is different yet we all believe there’s a ‘path’ to true love and happiness. Reporting back from the field, I can say: there is no path other than the one you make.
Reading the memoirs gave me a chance to ‘peek inside the keyhole’ of different marriages and ponder a thing or two. Like what’s the difference between content and happy?(”Not content yet, but pretty happy”). The memoirs represent a map of divergent paths mostly leading to the same destination-a happy marriage. And, I don’t mean to say that marriages can’t have bumps and still be happy. In fact, I don’t know how to grow together and NOT experience friction. (that’s an open question for anyone).
Tolstoy said, “All happy families resemble each other, each unhappy family is unhappy each in their own way.”
Happy marriages resemble each other, only in so much as humans resemble each other. Same species, but each one is unique. That seems right to me. Especially when I consider that each of us is a culture of one. We have our own values, beliefs, rituals, myths so when two cultures join in love, it must be unique, right?
Nominees, please!
The finalists were chosen for several reasons. One, the entry followed the rules: six words that made a sentence. That meant that sadly I had to disqualify any that were separate words, didn’t make a sentence or were more than 6 words. Two, the entry captured the essence of the relationship. Three, it seemed original. And, four, the entry was generally positive. Yes, I know that’s not everyone’s experience, but I’d like This Marriage Thing to be a place where hope and insight can flourish.
So without further ado, vote for your favorite semi-finalists (one vote per person- no hanging chads):
Come on back Friday July 11th for the reveal!
Enjoy this post? Here are some more posts we think you might like:Happy 4th!
How Do You Know When It’s Good
Relationship Memoir in 6 Words
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