Sex Rev 2 Hooks Up With This Marriage Thing
September 1, 2008 | Leave a Comment
First, Guy Kawasaki and the Alltops gang call us sexy. Then, the adult film stars, Matt and Kym, send us some love. Now, Regia Lynn says we’re nice. What must my mother be thinking?
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August 15, 2008 | 7 Comments
I’m pondering this because of my last post and after reading a question on my friend, Cory’s blog, A Good Husband. Deciding to get divorced was the most difficult decision I’ve ever made. I was terrified knowing that my decision would impact so many lives beyond my own. Having done it once, I will never do it again. Yeah, I said never. I’m totally committed to working out whatever comes our way. But would I advise my children not to divorce? I don’t know
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July 11, 2008 | 2 Comments
I met up with my friend, Vyctoria, at a Ladies Who Launch networking event last night. While catching up I casually asked her to name today’s topic. Vyctoria is an uber-organized blond who runs a luxury personal concierge business- you know, lifestyle management. She’ll take care of any thing so long as it’s legal.
She has a really sharp mind. Leave it to her to be so clever as to ask why do married folks always want single folks to get married. I admit I was stumped on that one (so it might actually turn up as a post before too long). Anyway, she suggested a post on doing a credit check on your spouse. Then, things got interesting.
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Do We Expect Too Much from Marriage?
April 7, 2008 | 5 Comments
While exploring the blogesphere I came across an interesting post that pondered whether some of us might be a bit delusional about the state of our marriages.
The Myths about Marriage
The myth about marriage is that we expect to be happy and stay that way. That really resonated with me. I’m a gal with big expectations and always have been.
Traditionally speaking, middle age has been the time when couples expect to suffer from midlife crisis (men and women), higher divorce rate, and a general malaise and resignation about the future. Or, at least, that’s what I glean from reading the many forums, blogs and listservs about relationship and marriage. All that sadness and longing almost made me cry. I created ThisMarriageThing specifically so that midlife couples, like us, could expect more love, affection, commitment, connection, understanding, not less.
My Expectations
Oddly enough, I’d say my expectations of marriage have changed. Mainly, because I’ve changed- thank G-d! I’ve practically lost all my expectations about our daily life, which startles my poor swubby. What, you don’t expect me to file the laundry immediately after drying and whisk away to the drawers warm? Cool! We’re both so busy I’m happy the laundry is done and I didn’t have to do it. So, who cares if it’s cold. I don’t expect him to like everything I do, or go the places I want to go.
On the other hand, my expectations about the quality of our relationship are fairly high. I expect, nay demand, that we work on our relationship, that our life be examined and well lived. I expect us to share common goals and be honest about it when we don’t. I expect his support and caring, and I’ll admit that one has gotten me into trouble in the past. Why? Because we define those words so differently, and because as humans we want what we want, not what someone else has to give.
Where is the Love?
We had prime example of that the other evening. I was finishing a dreaded report that I’d agonized over for weeks. Now, you gotta understand I’m not a girl that wrings her hands at everything. I’m pretty unflappable, but this pushed all the wrong buttons and I freaked- twice. That’s pretty telling yet my swubby completely missed the signs. I blew up.
When we talked about it later he said generally he feels fine after he freaks out and thought I would, too. He expected me to lighten up. I was expecting him to baby me a bit more as I neared the finish line and throw in a celebration at the end. I see now that while I can hold the expectation for support, we need more talk about execution.
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Which Comes First: Relationship or the kids?
February 13, 2008 | 4 Comments
My first marriage was all about the kids. Our relationship died and today we connect ONLY around kid issues, and not too often at that. Second time around, I’m squarely focused on making the relationship not only work, but sing. Although I haven’t said that directly to the kids, somehow they seem to know and respect that.
That desire to see our marriage as a ‘work in progress’, to actively seek the input of others, and continually ask the hard questions led me to create my new blog, www.thismarriagething.com. I may be wrong, but I think everyone can benefit from talking about this complex, evolving thing called marriage.
So, where do you put your faith, time and energies: your spouse or kids?
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