Is Marriage An Incurable Virus?
March 14, 2008 | 7 Comments
Really, is the idea of marriage like a social disease that passes from one partner to the next driven by societal and religious forces? It’s a totally radical way of thinking of marriage. Take it in for a moment. Do we get married because we want to or have to….
Perfect Wedding- Not!
Marriage is a time-honored tradition (not to mention a very lucrative industry) that most women and some men fantasize about, but also one that raises fear and doubt. People dream of being married, right? Then, why does a Google search reveal over 200k incidences for a search on ‘marriage sucks’? Or, over 500K for the term ‘divorce advice’. Relationship and marriage forums are lousy with people complaining about their spouses; how hard their lives are and why they are trapped, tortured, desperately unhappy.
Sounds horrible yet there are over 2 million marriages a year. Who would sign up for such misery unless they were ill or crazy, or maybe both? Milt, a member of my This Marriage Thing at TBD group, got me thinking about this. Maybe we marry not for love, but because we’ve got a social disease. We’re conditioned to think of marriage as ideal.
I Was Infected
My first marriage was very much ‘virus induced’. I spent 19 years studying when you count college and law school. That’s a long time for hard work and no play. When I graduated I wanted the life my friends had which included marriage and kids. It was time to get married. By some standards I was already an old maid at 28. Time for the American dream. So, I pursued that just like I pursue all my goals-fiercely!
Looking back, I know I was under the influence of something else, the social virus of marriage. The contagion was powerful and I couldn’t resist having the exact life that my parents, my friends, and society expected. I never gave being single a single thought because every day something or someone else re-infected me. I fell in line like one of those bone-munching zombies in the Shaun of the Dead , or the book ‘I am Legend’ by Richard Matheson. Once infected, I was doomed to comply.
What’s the Source of Marital Dis-ease?
Personally, I’m blaming all those damned fairy tales for making marriage the ideal. Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty were all out for one thing: to marry a prince. Happily ever after was assumed. I dare you to name one Disney heroine who isn’t married( maybe Mulan?)
Maybe, marriage is the ideal because it’s a social indicator. The second thing most people want to know when they meet you is: are you married? For some folks your status says a lot. It sure felt like my ’social capital’ when up or down depending on whether I was married or divorced. Divorcees are feared, you know. And, to be honest, I truly enjoyed my divorced and single days, once I got past feeling guilty or like the wallflower at the big prom with no date.
Do we marry because we want to or because of some social imperative?
Just for the record, I love being married now. (key music) ‘If there’s a cure for this I don’t want, I don’t want it… If there’s cure for this, I’ll run from it’ What tune is that music fans? Answer to follow in a follow up post.
Does Marriage Suck?
Which Comes First: Relationship or the kids?
What About Marriage Frightens You?