What would you go to jail for?

August 8, 2008

image credit: sharon dominick Last weekend, my dear hubby and I strolled the lovely streets of Newburyport, MA. This cute town is about 45 minutes away from Boston, our home, and right on the water. Normally, we’d spend Saturdays plowing through the last bits of our workweek or tackling the ginormous list of house chores- mowing the lawn, folding laundry, organizing the files, yanking weeds. You know, living life.

I’m convinced that life gets in the way of living. There’s so much to do and so little time, every bit of energy gets devoted to what must be done. What burns my butt is that all of this is in service to getting the life we dreamed of. How ironic is that?

Listening to our nightly conversation I’m startled by how uninteresting it is. Practical, sure. Dull, absolutely. Would you get excited over this:

“How was your day?” I say

“Long” he responds glancing at the newspaper on the dinner table

“How’s the project coming” I ask, turning magazine pages

“Good except blah blah blah”

“Oh, well I got 5 new sign ups today” I chirp

“Great. That’s great” he responds.

Where’s the drama? Where’s the spark? Where’s the door? I love my hubby but sometimes we bore each other silly. Hence the trip to Newburyport to recharge our batteries. Do something different to give us something to talk about. Guess what? It worked.

We talked about our move. You know, we’re planning to move to California in a few years, probably to the East Bay area. The details of the move play in my head like background music- where, renovate an old house or build a new one, where, city living or small town, where, big house or little…where. I’ve got a lot of questions that need talking out and not enough time to do it. Thank heavens for our car ride.

There’s something about car rides that brings out conversation, don’t you think? I’ve had some of my deepest, most satisfying talks while behind the wheel, especially with my teenagers. We got through ‘the talk’ ( no glove, no love). I think it’s because you can’t really look at each other. Anyway, we chatted up a storm on the drive there and home. We bonded.

It reminded me of our early days of dating when we had a nightly telephone ‘date’. I’d look forward to it all day. I’d finish my chores, put the kids to bed and climb in my bed with the phone. Round about 10 p.m. we’d say hello, sharing the day then settling down to the good stuff. I loved the intimacy of those talks. In the dark it seemed like we were the only two in the world- so romantic. I learned later that many of those long, reflective pause were him sleeping. Too funny.

When I say good stuff, I mean the those questions that may you say hmmmm. My mom was against internet dating so I had to promise I’d be extra selective. I crafted a series of questions designed to get to the ‘real guy’. Here are my best questions:

1. What would you be willing to go to jail for?

2. If you were a musical instrument, which one would you be?

3. What is unforgiveable to you?

I weeded out a lot of frogs, I tell you. Of course, my honey answered with flying colors. Trying to express our thoughts gave us a good chance to be talk, be stumped and wrestle with big ideas together. We communicated, not just talked.

So, what would you ask your spouse? What question will help you know your spouse better?

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